There is a young man I know that is currently striking out to make his mark in the world.

The world. Its a tough gig. Especially when seeking councel amidst the Cat 5 shitstorm of online influencers.

The most dangerous and self-harming thing you can do as a man is to adopt the persona of the man you think you should be.

Ian Dunt.

At such a spiritually fragile time, it is easy to get sucked into the self-reinforcing vortex of hyper-masculinity, tech-bro, gym-bro, misogynistic, evangelical, neo-fascist bullshit that proliferates like a pox among young men these days.

It is easy to confuse hyper-masculinity for some sort of armour to protect one from ones own insecurity. It is easy to weaponise masculinity to turbocharge ones own unexamined projections. It is easy to think all your problems arise from external conditions.

Here is an article that offers up a counter narrative far better than I could.

First, it would not be motivated by fear and hatred of women. Second, it would consider masculinity healthy and valuable rather than being ashamed of it.  […]

The single most important masculine trait you can have is competence. Obviously, it isn’t only men that have this trait and it isn’t only women that find it attractive. But competence is much more often celebrated in masculinity than it is femininity. And, despite the fact that it is hardly ever mentioned in this type of discussion, it is probably the most desirable quality you can possess.

This comes in many forms. But in every single one of them, it can be learned.

There is the low-level daily type of competence: sorting the transport from the airport on holiday, dealing with the admin, booking where to eat, handling the insurance claim, making sure that damp problem in your hallway doesn’t run out of control, clocking the bicycle that’s going too fast and might hit someone you’re with – taking care of the interminable daily chaff of life. This stuff is unimaginably boring, but it makes the people you’re with feel protected.

Then there is the high-level professional type of competence: being good at whatever it is you have decided you want to do with your life, working hard to perfect the skills you possess, showing the discipline and work-ethic to accomplish it.

Now, I dont know if he follows this blog. And I dont know if he would care to invest the time reading this article. But I will leave it here …just in case.

Full article: How to be a Man.