Have you ever woken up (at home for example) only to have absolutely no idea where you are? Or what day it is? This is a fairly common experience and usually lasts a few seconds until the brain re-boots and normal services are resumed.

But the other day I had a next-level experience. I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up about an hour later not only did I not know where I was, but I had absolutely no idea who I was.

I had no access to any of my memories or narratives of personal identity. Nor did I understand where I was or when I was. I imagine this is something like what a baby experiences when it first pops out into the world.

To be honest, I have experienced states of ego-loss during deep meditation, but this was a little different. No access to any of my memories despite wanting to. No idea where or who I was.

Lasting for some 20 seconds or so, I (athough it was not I as I know it) was in a very strange world of bare presence with a strong sensation of grasping for some sort of identity.

Then everything sort of rushed back in, and I was Ian again.

Now, that was weird. But it got even weirder.

Later that same evening I began reading a new book¹ on my Kindle. In some crazy presentation of synchronicity²…. and I kid you not… this was the prologue: 

I remember waking up one morning. For a moment I didn’t know who I was or where I was. I was. That much I remember. But I didn’t know who was waking up. This feeling of conscious experience persisted for just a felt moment. Then I awoke fully, accessed my memories, and knew once again who I am and where I was. The experience of waking up in darkness and not knowing where you are is not that uncommon. Still drowsy, we find ourselves in a past period of our lives, perhaps in the bed and the bedroom of our youth. […] Occasionally it happens that it takes a few seconds to figure out your life as a whole and the space you’re in. So far, however, it has only happened to me one time that I didn’t know who I was. I searched for possible memories, but they wouldn’t update. For a moment I was divested of my self. Until I became aware of myself again—in the form of knowledge about myself, as the memory of who I am. The experience lasted for only a brief moment, and it wasn’t frightening.

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1. Altered States of Consciousness by Marc Wittmann ↩︎
2. a concept first introduced by Carl Jung “to describe circumstances that appear meaningfully related yet lack a causal connection”. ↩︎

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Featured image: by Krista Mangulsone